9
Pisang Tidak Berbuah Dua Kali
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“Dey, you heard ah? Sir Ganeson says Miss Zaqiah is gonna arrange a class camp for our class,”
“What the ****. F*** lah—”
“WHO IS TALKING IN CLASS?” Miss Sumayah (nicknamed Miss Sumo), the History teacher frowned and rolled up her sleeves, exposing her dangerous arms.
“Silence! I want absolute silence! No checking answers with your partner.”
Yang Ngui Sui and Fitri Azril hurriedly bowed their heads down to evade the teacher’s glare. They tried their utmost best to answer each History question carefully.
One MUST answer the questions carefully if they value their lives.
“Saya mau semua dapat A dalam Kertas Percubaan Negeri Perak ini. Tidak boleh salah lebih daripada 15 soalan. Faham?”
A dozen or more heads nodded. Miss Sumayah nodded her head and walked back to her seat.
“Psssst,” LK-Jon signaled to Vandy Tee next to him. Vandy glanced sideways. “Eh Vandy, you heard what Azril said just now?”
Vandy blinked his eyes and gave a blank look.
“Sh** lah you,” Jon returned his attention to his paper. He stopped halfway and turned back to Vandy, remembering something. “Eh, what you put for question 35?”
Vandy shot Jon a blank look. Again. Jon grabbed Vandy’s arm.
“Come on lah, I cannot afford to get more than 15 questions wrong again lah—” The flashback of the last paper they did played on once again in Jon’s mind….
“Siapa yang salah lebih daripada 15 soalan, sila keluar ke depan,” Miss Sumayah announced solemnly. “Saya akan buat satu Denda Saraf untuk kamu semua. Sampai mati pun kamu tidak akan lupakan hari ini juga.”
Oh my, Miss Sumayah has a scary sense of humor. A group of about 9 boys and girls dragged their feet to the front. One of them, is me (LK-Jon).
“Sekarang, pilih satu ketua.”
I suggested my idea. “Eh Lam, you be the ketua ah,” The others seem to agree. Teacher nodded.
“Jon!...” Lam shot me an I-don’t-want look. I looked at teacher and pretended he wasn’t heard. Teacher cleared her throat.
“Baik, sekarang ketua akan mengetuai kamu semua bersumpah.”
Some of the denda-ers’ jaw dropped. Bersumpah? Sumpah what? I tried to stifle my snigger and I choked. Hahahaha, Lam is going to lead.
Yoong Kok Lam stepped to the front a bit and held up a shaky hand. His face was red as usual and there were beads of sweat rollin’ down his sideburns. I ‘cheered’ him on.
“Go, Lam, faster, Lam,”
Lam clearsd his throat and began his sumpah. Man, wasn’t I havin’ the time of life watchin Lam—
“Jon! What are you doing to Vandy?”
Jon’s wandering mind snapped back to the present. Uh-oh. Miss Sumayah had her eyes narrowed on LK-Jon. Jon scrapped his mind out to find an answer.
“Ah cikgu, saya pegang Vandy saja lah,”
Miss Sumayah pondered for a moment, then a funny-and-weird look crossed her face. “Pegang?”
Some students in the class had the same “idea” as the teacher. They tried their best to swallow the laughter welling up inside them.
“Pegang is alright, but pegang what?” Miss Sumayah placed her hands akimbo. She was trying her best not to explode with laughter.
Seconds later, the whole class caught the full swing of the statement. Amir roared into laughter, followed by high giggles, haw-haws, snorts, hisses and whatever other way of laughter.
(At that moment, everyone was thinking of the “yellow-minded-meaning” of the statement. If u dunno what I’m talking about, ask Jon.)
Even Miss Sumayah herself was choking in her effort to stop laughing. She struggled to keep her words clear and correct.
“Ok, OK, STOP! *gasp* Sekarang …*cough* Semua murid sila… *choke*… Sila tukar kertas jawapan dan semak… *sneeze*…”
The sound of rustling paper filled the room. Miss Sumayah cleared her throat and filled her lungs with air.
“Nombor satu.” And teacher glanced down at the paper in her hands:
Right down to the last question…
And Miss Sumayah looked out at the students. “Now, whoever that gotten 15 questions or more, wrong, please stand up.”
Kok Lam stood up. Anymore comrades? Nope. Only Kok Lam. Miss Sumayah folded her hands and fixed her gaze on the Prefect at the front row.
“Explain why,” She ordered. “Usually you don’t fall into the category.”
Kok Lam wiped a bead of sweat rolling down his red forehead. “Err… Teacher, I won’t do it again…”
“And you very MUCH better not do it again. Make sure Pisang Tidak Berbuah Dua Kali.”
LK-Jon’s face lightened up as an idea blossomed in his mind. “Eh teacher, of course Lam’s Pisang Tidak Berbuah Kali…”
Silence. Pure silence. Then the ‘yellow-minded’ idea settled into everyone’s brain. Li Kang Yip was one of the first to gasp.
Then the pandemonium of laughter started once again. Chokes, giggles, roars, snorts… you name it. And, Miss Sumayah wasn’t excluded.
(If u dunno what I’m talking about, ask Jon, again.)
Poor Kok Lam’s face grew redder… And redder. He covered his mouth and sat down on the chair, with at least a dozen beads of sweat rolling down his sideburns.
Ian, who was sitting behind Kok Lam, poked him on the back. “Hey, don’t mind, just… just chill,”
Kok Lam rolled his eyes. I don’t want to talk you now, new student.
The peals of laughter went on for half a minute, then all of a sudden, it stopped abruptly.
“Excuse me.”
Some students swallowed. Miss Munah is standing at the doorway!! Miss Sumayah regained her composure and tried to shake off the last bits of humor on her face.
After satisfying herself with the silence in the classroom, Miss Munah moved on to the next class. The students and teachers of 3 Ikhlas sighed with relief simultaneously.
What a day, thought Kok Lam. What a wonderful stupid day. Pisang tidak berbuah dua kali, INDEED.
